Microdosing Experience: Magic Mushrooms as Self-Medication for Anxiety

Experiment 1

I (man, 61 years) walk downstairs into the basement and from the upper storage shelf I take a small jar of glass in which I keep cool my homemade ‘shroom powder’. Back in the kitchen, I weigh a quarter of a gram of the light brown powder with my own precise scale. I sprinkle this powder on my homemade sandwich which I fill with a thick layer of Dutch spice cake to mask the distasteful flavor of the powder. Afterwards, I put back the jar on the shelf, eat my sandwich slowly and continue my morning rituals. This is just about how every MD-breakfast went, every two mornings in the week, ten weeks long. However, I was not that strict. Sometimes it stayed by one MD-breakfast a week because I simply forgot, or I was to busy to bother. And one time I even did it three times a week. Moreover, I was not that good in keeping track of my notes during the experience either. An hour after intake I often felt dizzy which continued for not more than fifteen minutes but made me again realize this was my MD day. I always assume this is when the powder kicks in. But apart from that the day just goes by as every other. In terms of productivity, focus, and creativity, I noticed no difference. Not even in libido, energy, fitness and other body-related factors. Perhaps the darker periods of worrying a lot, which I regularly go through, were more intense. Not a favorable effect in my case, but not alarming, I have learned to endure these periods and now know that it will pass in one or two days.

Despite the lack of positive effects so far, I got attached to the ritual itself and the expectation of having positive effects in the long term. The concept of ‘self-medication’ with psychedelics appeals to me. I am going to start a new cycle of ten weeks of MD again after the summer holidays. After harvesting one and a half flight of shrooms (after this the batch was polluted, but it was fun anyway) I had enough powder for two, maybe three cycles of MD. I will certainly continue, of course with the expectation of better and more noticeable results. If these results will not show this year, I consider using a legal version of LSD or another substance for the MD. With maybe a side tour of macro dose experiences once in a while. However, I am not sure if shrooms are the right choice for me and if I will do this alone or in a ceremonial group. The last one suited me in my experience with ayahuasca. My adventure with psychedelics is not over yet. 

Experiment 2

This story continues as my last story: Self Medication with shrooms (Dutch only) did not (yet) live up to my expectations. In which I talk about my 10 weeks experience of microdosing twice a week with a quarter gram of shroom powder (Golden Teacher). I experienced few effects, both mentally and physically and in the end, I wrote about my prospects of a new cycle of microdosing after the summer, with my leftover powder. More about this topic below.

Daily Dose

In contrast to my last microdose-experiment before the summer of 2017, I decided that after the summer I will leave the protocol of 10 weeks, every 3rd day. I started in week 1 with two times a (higher) dose of 0.5 gram, but this did not change much. This is why I experimented for the next 9 weeks with a daily dose of 0.25-0.30 gram of powder at breakfast. Every day. And this made the difference for me!

Effect of the daily intake

The effects were mainly psychically.

• Mentally: less worrying and more silence in my head which made me live more in the ‘now’, more positive thoughts, more concentration on one task at a time and more ‘flow’ and I got more satisfaction from my work. Emotionally: a more positive, relaxed, happier and more satisfied mood. Sometimes even inner peace, happiness and bliss.
• Socially: more accepting and open to others.
• Spiritually: more in harmony with the universe, more acceptation and even gratitude for my course of life and my present, experiencing the meaningfulness of my life in the bigger picture of History, Earth and the Universe. Big words, written with capital letters, that need to be put in perspective: the positive difference with before is, although important, not absolute but a matter of gradation.
• Sexually: Further, I hesitate to tell it, but also sexually there was an improvement: a slightly unpleasant feeling during coming, as the aftermath of a groin rupture operation in 2006, was over and still is.
• Physically: The last and rather important difference with the ‘protocol-cycle’ was that I experienced no more dizziness.

These effects did not reduce in the period of intake, sometimes they even ‘increased!’ and were even noticeable 1.5 months after finishing the cycle. Easier than before I can go into a state of inner peace.

Comparison with antidepressants

The effects of a daily microdose of shrooms seem similar to that of light antidepressants. Especially the mental, emotional and social effects. Twice half a year I used this regular ‘psychedelic’ daily to stop the endless stream of thoughts in my head and to improve my negative mood. Which worked, but there was some decrease in effect, a slight tolerance in these periods. And the favorable effects disappeared quicker after using it compared to microdosing with shroom powder.

The comparison with the effects of antidepressants can maybe provide a model to researchers of microdosing with psilocybin (and other psychedelics?). Maybe psilocybin needs to reach, and (by daily use) to retain, a certain (micro)level in the blood and the brain to have the maximum effect. In that case, no or not too much tolerance is allowed to happen. This would be in contrast with macrodosing, in which tolerance usually is fastly occurring. Besides, this model cannot explain any permanent changes after microdosing. Perhaps psilocybin brings permanent changes in the structure or/and the functioning of the brain. But personally, I do not feel the urge anymore to give materialistic explanations, therefore I believe there is a spiritual factor involved which does not originate from matter or the brain.

End

I did not yet resume the daily intake of shroom powder. As long as I still feel the effects I do not see the point. I am curious if there are more people out there who did microdose daily and I hope they can confirm my findings. It would be wonderful if a protocol ‘8-10 weeks daily’ will be taken into account within scientific research.
I am the (spirit of the) mushroom grateful for its help. And maybe I will ask for its help once more, later in life.

Ruud van Wees, jan. 10 2018, ruudvanwees@lijbrandt.nl

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