Amier’s microdosing experience
My burnout took a toll on almost every facet of my life. I didn’t understand why it was happening to me. Everything seemed to be going great: I had a well-paying job, a new house, a girlfriend, and plenty of friends. All of this ended abruptly. My body and mind were no longer functioning, I was burned out. I knew something was very wrong, but couldn’t figure out what it was.
I decided for myself that I never wanted to feel that way again. I had always had the drive to get the most out of life. This was what caused my burnout, but it was also what kept me going through this tough time.
My burnout forced me to connect with my feelings. This has ultimately been the most valuable gift in my life. However, it was still a very tough process though that would have better been prevented than cured. It just seems that some people have to fall hard before they open themselves to self-reflection. I was one of those people. I saw my burnout as an opportunity to reflect on what was holding me back from experiencing happiness. Such as traumas, addictions, relationship issues, a diet, and an environment that didn’t match my needs.
My experience with mainstream health care
During this period, I regularly saw an occupational physician and two psychologists. I experienced their support as very superficial; I often felt misunderstood, because they tried to make me get back to work as soon as possible. I experienced this as a burden, rather than a push into the right direction.
Coincidentally, I came across a documentary about magic truffles being used to cure depression. I instantly wanted to try it and looked for a guided truffle ceremony to participate in. This felt like the right thing to do. When I discussed it with my psychologist, she told me she would no longer work with me if I decided to join the ceremony. I wasn’t feeling very supported by her, so I decided to terminate my therapy, and go my own way.
Introduction to plant medicine
I already had some experience with recreational drug use; I used to occasionally smoke weed, had used MDMA a few times, and tried truffles in a recreational setting. However, I had never applied it for the purpose of healing.
Since my first truffle ceremony, I have been in awe of its effects. Plant medicine offers the chance to look at life from a different perspective. I received much more healing than talking an entire year talking to psychologists. I also believe that the first year of struggling caused me to be more open during the ceremony. Old pains surfaced, but I could immediately let them go. I felt ready to face my fears, and I realized that life is made up of positive and negative experiences. I stood up as the leader of myself. This was the beginning of my recovery and a wonderful path.
Travels and ceremonies
Since my first ceremony I have believed in the power of plant medicine. For me, this was the right form of therapy. I learned so much about myself, and how to connect with my feelings. Before, I didn’t know what feeling really meant. Besides that, I discovered I was highly sensitive, and started seeing a highly sensitive person (HSP) coach, who gave me new insights into how I ended up in my burnout. This coach offered me much more personal support than the “regular” care I received. By “regular” I mean a general practitioner or company doctor who then refers you to an affiliated psychologist. On average, I did a ceremony once every two months, combined with coaching sessions. This worked really well.
After a few months, I travelled to Peru for my first Ayahuasca ceremony and eventually experienced seven ceremonies in two weeks with the Shipibo tribe. This really was the big reset I needed. I was willing to go through anything, if only I could experience peace and tranquility for once in my life. After hard work during my ceremonies, it finally happened — for the first time in years I experienced joy. All of the many relevant themes in my life received attention and healing during my trip in Peru.
So much knowledge and wisdom also comes with great responsibility. I learned a lot about myself and saw it as my responsibility to act accordingly. After my Ayahuasca journey, I did several ceremonies with different drugs (LSD, Mushrooms, San Pedro). This helped me to better understand and integrate my lessons from Ayahuasca.
I have seen the importance of properly integrating my plant medicine experiences. Sometimes, the penny suddenly drops long after a ceremony. Whenever I feel the need, I organize a ceremony for myself. I am not afraid to face my fears and I trust that I will get what I need as long as I live by what my heart tells me. Now, it does not matter what setbacks I face in my life. I now know that I can always find a way to actually become a richer person through them. Plant medicine helps me in doing this.
Today, I no longer feel burned out. I now know what to do when things get tough, so I don’t fall too hard. I have also had the pleasure of helping others in their process and by guiding ceremonies.
What microdosing means to me
That was quite a long introduction for my story about microdosing. I think it is valuable to include this piece of background in my story because it clarifies the impact microdosing made in my life. When I microdose, I have the feeling that I am carrying the wisdom I received from my many ceremonies. When my old negative patterns get in the way, I feel guidance from the plants. I am more in the present, and I recognize much quicker whether something serves me or not. Even in difficult situations I seem to find it easier to stay centered. It helps me to express myself when I need to.
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When microdosing San Pedro, I feel
- More creative
- More in the present, and less stuck in my head
- More connected with nature
- More energetic
- More productive
- Clearer dreams
My favorite substance to microdose with is the San Pedro cactus. Somehow, mescaline grounds me a lot. When microdosing XP truffles or magic mushrooms, I can sometimes start to feel a little strange during a microdosing day. While microdosing San Pedro, I still feel like I can still do my everyday things.
Uncomfortable microdosing experiences
I know what it’s like to feel uncomfortable in a ceremony. So when I have a less than pleasant day while microdosing, it actually draws my curiosity. Why do I feel this way? What needs to receive healing? My experience is that if I just go through it and embrace the situation, I feel much better. For example, I have had some days when I felt very tired. So what did I do? Sleep! And after a few days of extra sleep, this no longer bothered me and I could just enjoy microdosing San Pedro again.
My biggest challenge is to protect myself from negative energies around me and setting boundaries. That can be quite uncomfortable. When I started microdosing San Pedro, I just had a new job and my manager treated me like an intern. I hated it. During microdosing days my feelings were amplified and for a moment I didn’t know what to do. I just started a new job as an experienced engineer, and was treated like an intern! However, I decided to embrace the feeling. It took me two days to process this, after which I realized that my manager was actually feeding on my irritation. I caught myself going along with his vibe.
As soon as I realized this, I quickly adapted. It was a challenging thing to not let him get me down. Instead of being irritated, I saw his shortcomings and could actually laugh about it. Since my attitude towards my manager changed it immediately stopped. The person I had so much trouble with in the beginning is now one of my favourite people to work with.
Growth feels uncomfortable and it sometimes hurts, but if you go through it, you will become a richer person. I would have gotten myself through most of the difficult situations in my life without microdosing San Pedro, but it’s still nice to get that extra push or support from plant medicine now and then.
The Microdosing Institute is not responsible for the content of the experience stories, we cannot verify them for truth, correctness or accuracy. What is described is not necessarily supported by scientific evidence or by doctors or experts. The experiences should in no way be read as advice or recommendations.